I Lost 100 Pounds...Seems Like A Lifetime Ago

What seems like a lifetime go, I lost 100 pounds. I went from 330 pounds to 230 pounds. I did it in about nine months. My motivation? ME! I was a single-working-parent (of one adorably cute toddler). There was no man-motivation. I lost weight because it felt like the right time to do so. Plus, I had the opportunity. I had an amazing shared custody arrangement with my ex-husband (and thankfully, after the divorce we became very close and worked well together raising our child) that provided lots of 'me time.' The more I focused on myself (improvement, soul searching - hard work stuff), the more I realized that I liked clean eating and sports.

I became a vegetarian and I also became an avid bicyclist. The weight flew off me with seemingly little effort. I was about 25 years old.

Today, these jeans (jeans I wore during that weight loss period: see picture) motivated me. Not to lose 100 pounds, but to regain that sense of self that I had so long go.

I recognize that at the age of 43, this 'me' I'm looking for will be nothing like the 25 year old I used to be. I don't want that - either. But certain qualities... yep, I'd like to find them. Like...

***outgoing
***spontaneous

I don't know when I had a shift in my personality, but at some point during 25 and 43 years old, keeping a clean house became more important than having a picnic on a beach. I don't know why as that truth remains hidden from my conscience. Did I get lazy? Can't be because cleaning house is more work than picnicking. Did I stop desiring to be social? Hmmm... I think I'm getting warmer. Why? I don't like to say "I don't know" (because I don't believe in them)... I'm going to say that I feel ashamed. I am ashamed that my eating took over my life. That shame makes me want to hide. Even if that means hiding from life.

I'm going to talk more about that shame and how it is bullshit. But, I think this post is lengthy enough, right?

 I do want to take a minute to introduce you to these tortillas. Have you seen them at Costco? Whole wheat, 80 calories, and 12 grams of fiber.

I watch my fiber intake. Fiber takes on a new role when you have hypothyroidism. It's a balancing act. My hypothyroidism causes high levels of cholesterol (it's a chemical thing). Fiber is a perfect aid for high cholesterol. But, I'm very careful about my consumption because fiber can also interrupt the absorption of my thyroid medication... See, I told you it is a balancing act. Of course, all of this has been discussed and planned with my doctor.

Next time you are in Costco, check out these delicious tortillas.

This is my favorite lunch to have using these tortillas: a grilled wrap made with ground chicken breast, a bit of cheese, and some sliced onions. It's very satisfying.

Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I'm excited. I'm already proud of this past week - not because I did or didn't lose weight, but because I feel much more in control of myself. There is a spring in my step.