I Said, "Screw It!"

Well...Crap.

When I started this journey (double-crap...was that just barely two weeks ago?), I really wanted to be thorough (honest!) with my obstacles, thoughts, crash-n-burns, etc. I wanted to be able to reflect and learn from this journey.

That is, until I got tired.

Reflection...effort...mindfulness - you know, it all takes energy! My energy went down the drain on Thursday.

Wednesday weigh-in was great. My weight? 297. I was pleased with the three pound loss as I was having my cycle and for me, that means lots of water retention... I was jazzed. I was motivated.

Then came Thursday and Friday. Two days that were so cram-packed that I literally said, "Screw it!" I didn't care. I didn't want to blog. I didn't want to wear my pedometer. I told myself I don't have time for any of the aforementioned and I threw in the towel.

I threw in the towel. I gave up. Day 8.

Funny. Once you decide to throw in the towel, you give yourself all sorts of freedom. Freedom that came (for me) in the form of one slice of cheesecake, two bowls of my crack-crackers (Keeblers Flips), a peanute butter cup, two junk granola bars, a bowl of Pops, bread at two meals, and two pop tarts. Did you really want to know all of that? I felt the need to write it out.

I'm struggling. I want a bowl of crack-crackers.

Today I picked up the pieces, tucked my fat rolls into my big girl panties, and told myself to snap out of it.

My pedometer went back on. I hit the gardens early. I ate yogurt for breakfast (instead of the trough of Pops I had yesterday)... And, I'm back on this blog writing about what happened.

I need some major coping skills when it comes to being overbooked (tired, run down, no time to go pee) and handling food.

Today will be a test as I come off my 'overeating high.' My body is craving all the foods that it took me an entire week to work out of my system.

[Side note: I used the word 'fat.' Did you catch that? I just caught it while rereading this entry. That tells you how pissed off I am at myself. WOW. I dislike the word fat - a lot.]